Sunday, September 26, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
For about a week now I've been hearing a ding-a-ling sound, like a little bell. I hear it in my back yard. It "dingles" softly and sounds much like a little tiny dinner bell. It rings often and at great lengths of time. And then there are many moments of silence. It has been quite irritating, especially when I want to just sit out on my back deck (as I am now) in peace, or in my sacred circle (in my yard) to meditate.
I'd be in my back yard, or even in my kitchen and through the window I'd hear it sound. I began looking everywhere, sending a keen ear and eye through the cracks of my neighbors fences hoping to find the source. Expecting it to be around the neck of a pet dog that was eagerly exploring his yard. Or maybe a new collar, for a neighbor's cat, with a bell to warn nearby birds of it's approaching. But I saw nothing.
A few days ago I was walking my dog when across the street a young gal was walking her little dog. One I haven't seen before and low and behold, it had a bell on it's collar that sounded just like this sound I've been hearing. I thought, "Ah-ha! There's the source of the bell!!" I thought that just knowing where it came from would be comforting. lol...
As a few more days passed, I realized that the little dog couldn't be the source, unless he was constantly running around and around in his yard. He would have been exhausted for as long as the bell dingled. And then I saw it. Just barely moving. A wind chime. My neighbor directly behind me. A neighbor of a growing list of mild irritants. But that's a whole other story.
So this bell, I mean, chime. I contemplated sneaking over the fence and removing it (hahaa... not really). I thought, should I ask my neighbors to move their chime to the other side of the house so it won't disturb my peaceful surroundings. That all sounded so selfish and uncompromising. But how could I tolerate this "noise"??
Then I realized this morning, as it dingled and grated against my nerves, that it was actually serving me a purpose. It was causing me to be acutely aware of sensory triggers around me. Then I remembered the line from "It's a Wonderful Life", "Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets it's wings". Perhaps this so-called irritating bell was a message, a signal to me from the other side to wake up, to be aware to what they are trying to tell me or get me to hear.
I remembered that my perspective is all that needs to change in order for seemingly unbearable situations to be righted. And that my resistance only made it worse. For me. I also remembered that when things or situations are upsetting or irritants, they happen for a reason. They are there to trigger awareness. Awareness in self... about self.
I've been asking for help regarding "hearing" and "understanding" those from the spirit side, and I accept this just as that.
With much thanks and gratitude, what once sounded irritating now sounds like music. ❤
Monday, September 6, 2010
My mom has made me laugh... wiped my tears... hugged me tight... watched me succeed... seen me fail... cheered me on and kept me strong! Moms are a promise from God that you will have a friend forever!!!! Put this on your status if you love your mom, whether she's here with you or in heaven. ♥
This is how I feel about that:
Not all moms are promises nor friends.
My mom resented my presence and that caused me to doubt my worth. She rarely, if ever, smiled at me, taught me to cry and to punish myself. I can't recall ever getting a hug from her (seriously). She criticized me whether I "succeeded" or failed and almost always made me regret ever sharing my thoughts or feelings with her.
Despite all this (and SOooo much more), I loved her. I've had to look past all this and see that I wasn't the reason for how she behaved toward me. It was her crap. Nonetheless, it still hurt and deeply affected me. A lifetime of undoing the twisted-ness.
I'm very happy for every person in the world who did/does have a loving and caring mom. And I have to admit that even tho my mom, by her own definition "wasn't demonstrative" of her love for me, I also knew that she actually did love and care. But it was a far cry from nurturing or supportive.
God bless all the moms who can show their love and support in a kind and nurturing way. And God, please bless those who can't/couldn't. ♥