Step One.

Realizing that one of the blocks that has kept me from moving forward is the strong need to heal myself first. "Physician, heal thyself."

How can I expect to be of service to others when I feel in need of healing first.

Do I feel broken? and thereby unqualified to lend a healing hand to others?

What makes me think that I have any business assisting others when I have my own issues?

Or, perhaps, is it those issues that does qualify me?

I think, from somewhere, I have the opinion that those in the healing profession are, or at the very least SHOULD be, beyond the issues they assist others with. I'm not going to feel comfortable going to an overweight "professional" to address my overweight issues. I don't have much confidence in a health professional that hasn't gotten a handle on her own issues that I'd be going to her for my own and same issues.

I suppose a Reiki practitioner would be different in the sense that a Reiki Master is not a physician. A healer, yes, but not a God, not that physicians are Gods. A Reiki practitioner is merely a conduit to the energies of Source, or God. Why is it that I haven't felt qualified to channel this energy... for a fee? Maybe I've felt I need to do more. Reiki isn't something you can see. It's not "tangible" but it is powerful. Perhaps all it is is that I haven't allowed myself to trust it. Trust in the healing power of Reiki. It's much like the healing power of prayer. Of miracles. Of God. Of Source. Of the Universe. The short definition of Reiki is "Universal Life Force Energy" and to have that powerful healing energy streaming through me to another is sometimes hard for me to accept but at the same time incredibly powerful to experience. Maybe it's because it feels so natural, almost common place, that I lack the respect I should have for it. Why is that?? Maybe it's the conditioning I've received from our society on what is believable or acceptable. Perhaps if I wholeheartedly believe and embrace it, I would become dependent or expectant of it. Can't I just let it be? Allow. Accept. Be in the moment. Be in the Now. Believe. Let go and let God.

Perhaps, just maybe, I'm not broken. I know I'm not perfect. Growing up I know it was expected that I should be, or strive to be perfect... but yet, on some level I know I'm not supposed to be. Perhaps I should stop trying to be perfect. Or is it that I'm trying to be broken? A perfect distraction. Is it a perfect example of "bolting"?... from my calling? from Source? from Self? Can I face it? Stay with it? Walk into and with it? Can I embrace the powerful healer within? Own her? Wear her? Share her?

Yes. God help me.