Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...

I don't like how the days seem to blend together.

Since I haven't worked for quite a while now, every day seems like the next. Nothing special about Friday or Sunday or Humpday. I noticed this a while ago and decided to make some changes in my perception. But change has been slow and sometimes frustrating. I'm trying to get myself prepared for working again, too, which is part of this.

The fact that my hip has been giving me troubles (being out of joint and very painful) for over 5 weeks, was a big excuse why I couldn't do many things, like paint the bathroom. I couldn't do anything that flexed my left hip joint without pain. In order to get it back into place I had to minimize what I did that inflamed the joint (using it at all) so the chiropractor could get it in place. The first time we attempted that, it was just WAY TOO painful. So we waited a week. Then another. There were adjustments made in the meantime that helped and massages and other things that provided some relief but ultimately, I still had to lay around. Walking was even hard to do. I really began to notice people with limps, crutches, wheel chairs and anyone who had to "work" at the simple act of walking. I also saw those that easily strolled down the street and I envied them. I wanted that back. I knew I'd get it eventually and it caused me to have a great deal of compassion for those that won't.

Week four, got it into place and then I did something I thought would help the healing process but instead, it popped that sucker right back out. Square one again. Ugh. But this is all in the past and I'm feeling much better now. Got it popped back into place last Tues (week 5) so it's been in place for less than a week. It's still very sore but I can feel the difference between the pressure and pain of the femur (leg bone) being out of place and now the soreness of it having been out of place for 5 weeks.

So I've got most of my mobility back and the days of the week are blending too well. I attempted to get started on the painting project but found myself procrastinating. Realized that part of why was because today is Sunday. I want to be treating today like a Sunday. Not a workday. I did get my tools and some things ready and re-glued a patch of molding that had come unstuck but decided that the task of work is meant for tomorrow. Monday. Is that another excuse?? I say no.

In my preparations for a work schedule, the choices are mine. At my work, my business, I choose to work 4 days a week. Monday through Thursday, 9a-5p. I choose to have 3 day weekends, take regular vacations and... I cringe as I write this. I feel judgment reigning. I hear my mother's voice saying that I'm spoiled, I want everything and that I can't have everything. I hear my brother's voice telling me the same things but adding that I'm lazy for not wanting to work 10-12 hour days, 7-8 days a week. I even hear myself questioning how I can make a success of myself by only working part-time. I think it all depends on what "success" means to me.

Success means to me... being able to help others—make a positive difference, enjoying what I do, being excited to get up in the morning to be of service, doing it well, and earning enough money to; easily pay the bills, grow my savings and stock portfolios, pay for continued education and to take my time off without shame, worry, guilt or regret. Wow. Defining that was MUCH easier than I thought it would be!! lol... Okay then. Problem solved. Now all I need to do is manifest the confidence to manifest all this! hahaa... I joke but I think it really is there.

So, Sunday evening, here I come. And Monday morning will be the beginning of a new era. A new way of seeing things. Yay!!

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