I'm gaining a better perspective of myself and treating myself better. I took myself to the movies on Sunday. I haven't done that, or anything considered "fun" or entertainment for a very long time. So this was good. And I wasn't wigged out to be alone in the theater. I've done it before (like about 17 years ago—AND at the same theater) but that was to thwart the sting of my 5 yo leaving to visit his father for the weekend after our divorce. I was reeling so bad from not having my son with me (and in the charge of his absent minded, albeit well-intentioned father) that at the time that I didn't even notice how I might have felt awkward sitting by myself. Anyway, the movie Sunday was fun. I enjoyed it. And I intend to take myself out more often!
Also, I'm pretty pleased with myself for defusing what could have been a "hostile" situation today. My landscaper, actually one of the owners, came over today and as he put it, we always seem to butt heads. I never felt like I was being difficult but saw from the first time we met that he and his partner have treated me as tho they expect the worst and therefore I guess I rubbed them the wrong way. I know it wasn't anything in particular that I said, to either of them. And this isn't sidestepping any ownership in any contention we may have engaged in. I see two men, with some fairly large egos that have taken a few of my questions or comments personally and then got defensive. And I see myself, a homeowner with some ideas of her own that may have made them feel challenged. I posed a question at the first meeting with one owner about the cost. He had given me a quote and time frame for some clean up the week before but one of the workers that arrived earlier than he did that morning told me he thought it would take MUCH longer and I was concerned if this might affect the cost/quote. So I asked him and he was clearly offended that I might be questioning his word and he responded with both a defensive remark and body language. I told him I was just concerned based on what the worker said but it didn't seem to matter. He had already been offended. Then once, with the other owner, I requested that for safety reasons (of my own) I wanted a particularly shaped and large sized rock to moved to a different location. It wasn't a big rock or a big deal. It was too heavy for me to move but not for a strong man. This owner happened to have placed that rock there and seemed to think it was fine there. I was adamant about it because I knew that it posed a tripping hazard and asked again, giving my reasons. It was odd because I literally saw him revert into a little boy that was (or thought he was) being scolded and didn't want to do the different thing. Anyway, I think from that incident, he too, formed the opinion that I was difficult to get along with.
So today, I was pleased with myself for not taking anything personal, for being able to remain calm, ground myself, allow the owner to talk without feeling the need to interject, and then to calmly talk to him about the issue. He ended up confessing that he was stressed from a number of things at the office (the business is growing beyond their means of being able to manage it properly) and some frustration and guilt for not addressing the issues I needed taken care of. It was over three months ago that I've emailed them and they forgot me. And it wasn't the first time. Anyway, within a few short minutes, what looked like a runaway train had shifted into sharing and softening and then afterward he offered me a hug!